The rollercoaster of trying to get on with life in the “new normal” whilst still struggling without Kyle being here with us, or being able to see his son, Cash, continues on this 7th Christmas without him – it just doesn’t get any easier really. That said we do try to still enjoy what was always my favourite time of year and we tried to get into the Christmas spirit by watching Christmas movies and listening to Christmas songs.

This year we also put our decorations up, and of course the traditional little touches for Kyle and Cash that we include (tree ornaments, the empty chair dome etc)

I also made a small Christmas Tree from gum nuts I collected at the dog park on our daily walks. I took it to Pinnaroo just before Christmas. I still haven’t been able to go to the dog beach where Kyle’s ashes are, or the crash site at Gidgegannup due to ongoing problems with my left leg and hip – I just couldn’t physically manage the terrain at this point.

The week before Christmas I spent time making Christmas Cookies with Amy, Connor and Piper, and we had lots of fun! Although it filled my heart with joy, there was of course the sadness that Cash could not be with us. He will be 6 years old now!

On Christmas Day we visited Pinnaroo again this time taking flowers from myself and Vince, and also my sister, Jacky, and Mum and Dad. We went there in the morning before going to Christina’s (Kyle’s site) home for Christmas lunch with all of her husband, Yee’s, family. It was wonderful seeing the grandchildren opening and enjoying their Christmas presents, and of course my thoughts drifted to Cash and what he would be doing that day. I so hope he finds us and reconnects with his Dad’s family.

This time of year is always one of the most difficult for me emotionally, with Kyle’s Birthday in November, Christmas and New Year, then the upcoming Anniversary of his death, funeral, Cash’s and my Birthday’s in March and then Mother’s Day. I do my best to cope and go on every single day, the impact of loosing a child on the whole family just can’t be described and my heart aches for what might have been for Kyle.