I can never pick which of the significant days are going to be managable and which wont. Sometimes I am surprised that it goes better than I expected, other times not. Today was a NOT day, one of the worst for quite sometime. I have been having a lot of dreams about Kyle lately. I planned to take some flowers to Pinnaroo and to try to go to Peasholm St Dog Beach, as I haven’t been able to go for a very long time due to problems with my left leg and hip. I am waiting on another injection for pain in the middle of Feb, but thought I might give it a try anyway. I don’t do well in the heat, so on a 40 degree day – I had to admit defeat this time and will wait until cooler weather for the beach trip. I did take flowers to Pinnaroo!

I had added three birds, the mother with a dragonfly on, to my garden, and when I walked the dogs this morning it rained – even through it’s Summer and the forecast and subsequent day was a scorcher! He also sent me two feathers to let me know he is around. It’s always a double edged, bitter sweet experience when these things happen. I sometimes wonder if it’s real or if I am just imaging it because I miss him so much and want to feel he is still around and near to me. It’s very difficult.

I also made some Tiramisu that morning (for the first time) and we planned on having lasagne – one of Kyle’s favourites, but by the end of the day I was too drained to bother and we just ordered take-away instead. I tried to keep occupied and distracted, but didn’t really know what to do with myself flitting from one thing to another, and ended up spending a good deal of the day crying.

I miss him every single day, but some days are just harder than others!